Cast:Me- shall be known throughout this story as� me. Or Mike, if I�m relating something someone said to me.
Funkycracker- shall be known throughout as Banky.
My girlfriend- Who shall go under the pseudonym of Julia� as in Roberts.
And here�s what happened:
I suppose in order to understand the situation as it stood when Julia and I started dating, I need to go back quite a bit and relate a few things that occurred before.
I had always found Julia attractive. From the moment I met her. I was Lighting Designer for a show called Writhe, and she was one of the cast members. The show was scheduled to open the weekend after spring break, and I couldn�t get into the theatre to hang any lights until spring break, when no one was around. Which meant I was going to (once again) hang a show by myself. Well, the director found out, and in a highly charitable act of kindness asked his cast if anyone could help me out. The director told me what he did (for which I expressed undying gratitude), and told me that a few of his cast members might be coming in to help.
Julia was the only one who did. So we�re hanging lights, and as we do, we�re chatting, getting to know each other, blah blah blah.
And I thought she was so fucking cool! (And I was right) And hilarious. (Right again) And strikingly beautiful. (Right again)
I have no idea if she thought any or all of the same about me, but it didn�t matter. As per usual when you run into someone who is attractive to you on so many levels, she was dating someone else. And (and this is why I suspect she may have thought the same) so was I.
No problem. Instead of falling for each other right off, we became friends. She began to call me �Tough Guy�, as a sort of half nickname/half term of endearment. Apparently I looked really tough when we hung the lights for the show (because I was wearing a tank top, which reveals the tattoo on my shoulder.) I began to call her Tough Girl in retaliation. Of course, I think Tough Girl fit her way way better than Tough Guy fit me. She�s a very strong person, while I�m just kind of a Teddy Bear who has a tendency to mumble.
Anyway, so we�re friends. And I was content with that. I broke up with the girlfriend I had at the time and started dating another. We shall called this girl� April. What the hell. I�ve mentioned her before in my earlier entries, during what I like to call �The Breakup Period�. So Julia and I are friends, I�m dating April, and then Banky transfers to Chapman.
He and I hit it off fairly immediately. We both like a lot of the same things, have startlingly similar personalities, we even say the same thing at the same time constantly. It�s pretty disgusting. So Banky and I are friends. Julia and I are friends. And we�re all in the theatre department at Chapman. What are the odds that all three of will be friends?
So it�s getting towards the end of the school year (and I suppose, the end of my relationship with April. Just to keep things in perspective.) and Banky and Julia get cast in a show, a one-act called Split. They are the only two people in the show.
So you know how Banky and I have so many similarities? One of them is also our taste in women. So yeah, he gets a big crush on Julia (helped along, in my opinion, by their characters being lovers in the show they were doing), and wants to ask her out. And because he and I are so close, talks to me about it.
�Wait until the show is done,� I tell him.
�Mike, I think we got a really strong connection, though.�
�Banky,� I say, �every actor who�s ever been on stage with an actress feels the same way. If you wait until the show�s done, you�ll be able to ascertain whether or not there really is a connection.�
He didn�t wait, but to be fair, neither did Julia. She kept spurning his efforts in asking her out, which frustrated him to no end, but then asks him to her sorority formal, which confused him.
�Is she interested in me or not?� he�d ask me.
�Beats me,� I�d reply. I found the whole deal rather amusing, and was waiting to see how she acted after the show was over until I�d voice my opinion.
Well, the show ended, and so did much of the connection, as far as I was concerned. I didn�t see Banky and Julia going beyond just friends anytime soon. But love is a fickle thing, so I also didn�t encourage him to stop trying.
Which brings me to the Nickel Arcade.
Banky asks Julia if she wants to go to a Nickel Arcade. Honestly, I thought it was a good idea. It�s an inexpensive date, still fun, with laughs to be had by all. She thought it was a good idea too, and agrees to go with him. Well, the day they were supposed to go, she asks Banky if her roommate (We�ll call her Roomy) could come along.
This is known amongst the men of the dating world as cockblocking. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, cockblocking is when the female creates a circumstance where it becomes impossible to have any intimacy with her, friendly or otherwise. Which means, it�s no longer a date.
That should have been a big clue to Banky, but he was determined. I can�t say I blame him. Julia was (and is) worth the extra effort.
So Banky calls me to run interference on the cockblock. (I know, it�s starting to sound like a sport, but these are terms that men created, after all) This also has a name amongst the men of the dating world: Diving on the Grenade�one man distracts the female companion of the girl the other man would like to spend quality time with. Most guys can tell you a story where they�ve had to do this.
So we go to the Nickel Arcade. And I had a great time. Julia had a great time. Roomy had a great time. Banky, poor guy, was frustrated as hell. It�s my thinking that Julia never intended to have Roomy be a Grenade, because she didn�t need one. But that�s all hypothetics. What happened was that the so-called date became just a bunch of friends hanging out. Which was fun for me; it was way more than I was expecting. It was fine with Roomy and Julia, too; I think that�s all they wanted anyway.
The problem with going to a Nickel Arcade as a date is that the very nature of the place makes it a highly informal date at best. If more than just the two people involved come along, than as a date, the venture is doomed.
After that, I�m not sure if Banky gave up, or was gonna wait a while, or what. Either way, his determination to get something going with Julia dropped tremendously.
It was about this time, through no fault of my own, that my relationship with April came to an end. (screeching halt is closer to the truth, but whatever. If you�re curious, you can read about it here. And here. And here.)
So it�s a few months later (August to be exact), and Julia�s in a bit of a bind. She�s acting in a show, and is also the scenic designer for it. Trouble is, she�s never designed anything before. But she knows Banky is a designer, so she asks him for help. Here�s how that happened:
I�m sitting on the steps of the theater having a cigarette (one of my favorite places to smoke). Behind me, I hear Julia and Banky talking.
�So, Banky, you�re a designer, right? What can you tell me about scenic design.�
�Er, sorry, Julia. I�m a lighting designer. I don�t know anything about scenic design.�
�Dammit. I�m so screwed. I don�t know what to do.�
At this point I turn around and offer, �You know, I majored in scenic design. I�d be happy to help you out.�
Banky agreed. �Mike�s definitely more qualified.�
Hope lights up in Julia�s eyes. �Oh my god, you�d do that?�
I shrug. �Sure.�
�Can you help me tonight? Tonight is the only night I�m free. Are you busy?�
�Well, all�s I had planned was cooking up some tasty chicken for dinner. Tell you what. You bring your stuff over, I�ll make us dinner, and then we�ll see what we can do.�
And all were happy with the deal. I got to talk about scenic design with a friend of mine, and cook dinner for the two of us in the bargain. Julia was getting help with her design work. And Banky was glad someone was able to help his friend out. I don�t know, in retrospect, if he was a little bummed that I had stepped in to save the girl instead of him, but he knew that I was just trying to help a friend, and that I was well aware of any feelings he had towards her.
I was excited. I hadn�t an opportunity to really talk one on one with Julia since Writhe, and though we�d remained friends since then, I was looking forward to strengthening our friendship.
So she comes over that night. We ate dinner. Talked quite a bit. I helped her with her design (at least, I think I helped). We took a break to get some wine and smoke. Worked some more, talked some more. It was, by all accounts, a thoroughly enjoyable evening. So much so, that we both wanted to hang out again. But she told me what her schedule was like, which involved the show and working the graveyard shift at a hotel, and finding a free moment in all that wasn�t likely.
But I was determined to try. (Am I sounding like Banky by now?) So I began a careful campaign of catching her during her breaks, or if she was really busy, to encourage her to take a quick break so we could chat.
It worked surprisingly well. On one occasion, I called the hotel to find out when she was taking a dinner break, and asked if she wanted a coffee to help her get through.
So we were only getting a half hour here, an hour there, but the time spent together was quality time, and we only became closer friends.
I knew by this time that Julia was someone I really wanted to date on a serious level, but I also knew I couldn�t pressure her, and that if it was gonna happen, then it would without any extra effort on my part.
I told Banky what I was thinking, what I had been doing to build the relationship with Julia, and all he did was laugh and tell me, �Good luck. None of that worked with me, just to warn you.�
I can�t tell you how glad I was, and am, that Banky let me try, even though I knew he would have preferred it been him.
So I was making extraordinary headway in the relationship with Julia, but only inasmuch as we were just friends. Which was great. If that was all I could get from her, than fine. I was finding out how amazing of a woman she was, and I would have been a fool to let the relationship end simply because I couldn�t date her.
I knew I was incredibly attracted to her, both on an intellectual level and a physical one. What I didn�t know is if she felt the same way about me. There wasn�t any real physical affection in the relationship beyond a platonic hug.
She let me know the attraction was there a couple days later at a party. There was nothing overt. She gave me a great big hug when she saw me, which was nothing different. The surprise came as the party progressed. Everyone would be talking in little groups, as most of our parties tend to go, and if I happened to part of a discussion she was involved in, she would lean against me, as if she found my physical presence reassuring.
I can�t tell you how good of a feeling that is, you just have to feel it for yourself. There�s nothing sexual in it. It�s just� fond. That�s the best word for it. A fond gesture towards someone you like.
The party progressed, and began winding down, till it was only me, Banky, Julia, and a few others left. This is when I love parties most. Everyone�s relaxed, a little bit (or a lot bit) drunk, and just in the mood for some good conversation. Inevitably, I�ve found that my relationships with people draw much closer after such conversations. That night was no exception.
Poor Banky. He was in self-pity mode that night. Especially when he�s been drinking, he aches for human contact, human affection. He feels lonely. So a lot of what he said that night was self-deprecating. It was okay. Everybody has those moments. But I think he realized at that point that he was never going to be anything beyond a friend to Julia, which is disappointing enough, but it was also coupled with an obviously blossoming relationship between Julia and me.
I still feel bad about that. But after all the dust cleared, we�re all (surprisingly, I guess) pretty close.
A couple of nights after the party, Julia gives me a call. I really wanted to tell her how I felt about her, but wasn�t sure if it was a good time. I wasn�t sure if there would ever be a good time. Well she calls me and says, �We need to talk.�
Whenever a girl says that, you�d best be prepared for talking. Serious talking. I say, �Well, is this a talk that we can have over the phone, or should I be there in person?� Guys, remember that line. You will be one of the most sensitive creatures on God�s green earth in a girl�s eyes if you give her that reply when she calls and says, �we need to talk.�
She says, �It�s about Banky.�
�I�ll be right over.� And hang up.
I hustle to her apartment, and we go for a walk.
�So, what�s up?� I say.
�I�m worried about Banky,� she says.
�Okay,� I mull that over a bit. I�m not completely sure where she�s going, at this point I thought she was worried because of how depressed he seemed at the party. �Why are you worried about him?�
�Because of what�s developing between you an me.�
Damn, she made it sound like a bad thing. Maybe I�ve been reading into this way more than I should have. Maybe she�s telling me she�s not interested, and that me pursuing this will only hurt my relationship with Banky� Oh hell, just ask. �So what is developing between you an me?� Shit. Words, don�t fail me now.
She actually looked a little disappointed. �Don�t tell me you�re not feeling it too.�
�If you mean do I really like you and want to be more than just friends, yeah, I feel that.� Suave, Mike. Very romantic. You�ll sweep her off her feet with that one.
�What are we going to do about it?�
�Er, pertaining to us, or to Banky?� She still wasn�t giving me any indication as to how she felt towards me. She just looked more worried.
She shoved me. �To Banky, moron. His friendship is really important to me, and I know he used to really like me. I don�t want to lose a friend just because I have feelings for somebody. It doesn�t help any that you�re his best friend either. If I had to choose, I�ll choose my friend every time.�
Oh, thank God! The tension melted right away. As long as she feels the same, I felt confidant we could get through anything. My brain suddenly started working again. �Okay, here�s the thing. I�ve already talked to Banky about this. He assured me he�s fine with it. And even if he�s lying, he�s not the type of person to abandon a friend over something as silly as dating. If I thought so, I would have already brought this up� Except, well, I wasn�t sure how you felt� and�� Stupid brain. And you were doing so well.
�Are you sure he�ll be okay?�
�Yes. But if it�ll make you feel better, I�ll talk to him about it tomorrow.�
�Oh, that would be wonderful!�
With that, the worry fades from her face, and she smiles at me, and curls her arms around my neck, and we kiss for the first time.
That was very nearly a year ago. And things with Julia have only gotten better. Banky went through hell and back this past year, but he and I are still great friends. He and Julia are still great friends as well. See? Nothing to worry about.
