The Beginning of the End 2002-06-06

So I realized something yesterday. Not something really profound, but still...

My relationship with April as boyfriend and girlfriend is drawing to a close. There isn't really anything we can do about it.

Do I want to break up with her? No. I still love her. But that's not enough to make the relationship work. Things change. People change. Circumstances change. And all that changes the relationship.

The trouble now is, I don't know how to bring this up. I feel it should be mentioned, certainly. But I can't until next week, cuz April's house is getting tented this weekend, and I already told her a couple months ago that she could stay with me. So the last thing we need is a conversation that lays everything on the table and her with no place to go.

So, needless to say, I'm really nervous.

I know that she'll want to have sex. Apparently it says somewhere in "How to fix relationships 101" that sex cures all. But the problem is, I'm not feeling horny right now. Not feeling "in the mood." I still find her attractive, and I still want to be affectionate, but sex? I'm not sure about that. I don't want it to be meaningless sex, which is pretty much what it'll turn out to be, though I'm almost positive she'll whisper that she missed me mid coitus.

Jesus I'm turning into a paranoid freak...