Pulling rank 2002-04-29

okay, here's a question...

How the hell did I get to be a leading figure of the theatre department? Why is it that people look up to me? When did people start hoping I approved?

Let's look at this for a second:

Jen- I was talking to her about her show, told her how good I thought it was, how well she handled the material, and how adroitly she managed two very fine actors. She said thanks, and then, "Coming from you that means a lot."

Huh?

This said to me that either I have a reputation for being highly critical, and praise from me is rare and noteworthy, or I am someone to whom people feel knows the business of directing well, and praise from me is seen as a sign of respect. Or I could be reading too much into it.

Sean- this guy wants approval so bad he practically begs for it. Thing is, when he's around other people, he can get sort of cocky about it. Around me, he gets respectful and... hopeful, I guess.

He should know me well enough by now to know that approval from me is earned, not freely given to the right amount of bowing and scraping. Or, I could be reading too much into his actions.

Kyle- He's a womanizer. Everybody knows it. But I think I've shown (and others can attest) that it's possible to successfully woo women without taking advantage of them or lying or cheating or whatever. My reputation with the opposite sex is nearly flawless (April Wade being the exception, but that's cuz she doesn't like me, not that I did anything wrong), and quite a few people in the department know it. I realize that it's highly probable a few gentlemen in the department feel like I'm some sort of pioneer in sexual conquests (Sean and Kyle between two, I'm guessing), and I notice people trying to "follow in my footsteps" as it were. But they usually go about it all wrong. Kyle especially. My problem with Kyle is that I hear from a lot of people in the department about what a bastard he is when he deals with the opposite sex (guys and girls have told me). Yet when he talks to me about it, he remains mostly honest, yet tones down what he's done so that it doesn't seem so bad. Normally I'd think that would show he's somehow ashamed, but I find out later he's either embellished what happened or telling the whole truth when he brags to his other guy friends. So why cushion the blow with me? It's like he wants my approval for his sexual exploits, but is afraid to tell me the whole thing. Or he feels like he needs to make it more of a shocking story to tell his other friends. If he's lying to me, then he knows he's done something wrong, and wants my respect enough to lie to me about it, and I can't respect a lier. Or he's lying to his other friends, but he's seriously misguided if he thinks the embellishments he concocts would win the approval of anyone. There are certain people who would love to see him kicked out of school. I'm not sure he doesn't deserve it, but I also feel like everyone should get a second chance if the ask for it. People don't get a third with me, though. He's walking on ice as it is. And the more I hear about him, the thinner it's getting.

Ah, I don't know. Maybe I'm just feeling pressure to perform for my peers, who knows. Doesn't matter.