Air Vents 2004-01-23

This is a "poor me" entry. Sorry. At least I realize how stupid I sound, but hey, I'm feeling depressed.

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I was hanging out with my mom tonight. No particular special occasion, we just both had the evening free.
I know, I know. What kind of loser has no plans for a Friday night...

So we're hanging out, driving to the video store and Starbucks (God, I'm such a java slut), and my mom stops for gas. She's outside, pumping the gas, and I'm sitting in the passenger seat, listening to Wilco and watching the cars go by.

And I'm thinking.

I'm thinking about how fake I am feeling, how useless I am.
I'm thinking, "I'm an artist, and obviously not a successful one, so what the fuck good am I?"
I'm thinking about all this random knowledge, and bullshit information, that I've been accruing for the past few years, and how it's just sitting in my brain, not doing anyone the least bit of good. Or the least bit of bad.

I was feeling invisible.
Like I could disappear and no one would notice or care.

And what's more, is I kind of wanted to. Disappear, I mean. Start over. Hit the reset button (Yeah, I grew up on Nintendo. So what?).

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Again, sorry. Just needed to get that shit out. I'm not looking for any trite emails or guestbook entries telling me that I really do make a difference, and I'm not invisible, but I guess I'd also appreciate no entries telling me that I'm absolutely right.

Have a great weekend, folks.