Naturally 07/15/2005

I guess there's always a shock when people tell you exactly what they think of you.
It probably shouldn't have surprised me as much since they've told me before, though in less detail and after the fact.

People tell me they are often stunned by my intelligence (which often makes me wonder anyway), but then I'm told they don't want to hear what I know since it makes them feel stupid.

And then, of course, they have to apologize to people after I've met them and gone on my way, saying that I'm not really an asshole once you get to know me.
What that doesn't mean is that you get used to me after a while and it's just how I talk. What it says to me is that after a while it's just something you put up with.

I don't want to be someone that my friends "tolerate". And I'm not sure how or why I'm coming across the way I do, and they're not sure how I should change, and they feel bad that they want me too, like our relationship would be strained if they started putting restrictions on it... All I really gleaned from this evening is that it's better to keep my fucking mouth shut.

Looks like it's time to go back into the old shell again.